Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Two Months Post Op

Well, it has been two months since surgery. It really feels as if it was a year or more ago. I no longer have any pain or matter of fact ANY residual symptoms. I am now running a mile and half without complication except that of being out of shape. When people ask,"how do you feel?", I honestly forget I just had open heart. I feel so alive and vibrant again! I didn't realize how bad I was because I had become acustom to it. I have an absurd amount of energy and now need to learn that sleep is a neccessity.
The one issue I'm having is a little residual guilt or almost a feeling of undeserving. I guess you could say a form of survivors guilt. I was told in three different ways besides the risks of surgery that I probably wouldn't be here on this earth very long. I survived many obstacles put in front of me and fought to stay strong. I was told two days ago from one of the Doctors on my case that I was less than a year requiring a total heart and lung transplant. Now what? Why was I the one to get the second chance? How can I show that I am worthy of such a gift? Is my purpose Big or small? Until, I discover my purpose all I can do is put what I learned along my journey to good use. It's funny I thought I already cherished every aspect of life. But, I learned much more than I every thought I could. Not just about life, but how one person can effect many. I pray that one day my purpose will be clear!