Friday, August 14, 2009

Last but not least.....

Jamie,
You are so sweet! Am I that predictable that you can hack into my blog? Well, I am so thankful you did! What a wonderful note! I don't have to tell you that you have been my rock since I met you! In the almost 15 years that we have been together you have never let me down nor failed me in any way! Throughout our journey you constantly kept me on my toes always breaking the tough moments with laughter and a joke. My physicians didn't always get the humor, but I did! I will never forget how in moments that I couldn't get to the phone you would rush home from work just to see if I was o.k. Or when you would get my medications all lined up and set the alarm to make sure I received them around the clock. How about our slow dances in the hospital or the doctor impersonations? You have and always will be my heart and soul! All I can say is what a ride we had....but WE MADE IT.....! Love you baby!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

My wonderful wife

Anne,
It's been nearly 5 months since your heart surgery and I want to say how proud I am of you in how far you have come in a short time. (don't be mad, I hacked into your blog!). It seems so long ago that the one doctor scared the both of us with the thought of an aneurysm and that it could be any day you might pass. That night was a shock and I didn't show much emotion other than silence. I held back tears on a lot of occasions. I was trying to show strength and that everything would be fine. When you were struggling walking around and getting tired, I just thought "shes getting older, wait tell you hits my age" I knew something was wrong, when you woke me up that night you passed out in our bathroom and had a bruised forehead. I felt helpless that night as you came in the door and fell in my arms after the mis-diagnosis. My thoughts were" I could help provide for my family and protect them in our household, but fixing a medical issue is something I could not do". I remember becoming frustrated when we were at PRMC and all the test they ran and still couldn't find out why you were desaturating. I did feel hope when they said they were sending you to John's Hopkin's to do more tests because they are the best.

I struggled with emotions of being sad and mad. There wasn't a day that went by thinking about our kids and myself if you were not around. I hated every thought I had about that because you were to always be here. I was supposed to go first, not you. Even though we were coming to know God, I was mad at God for putting my wife thru this. Now that I look back, what an amazing thing God did. The church surrounded us with open arms, meals, and brought us closer to people we never really knew who care about us. Anne, it is amazing the courage you had when going thru 3 surgeries. You know me, a cold puts me on a death bed.

I'm not the greatest with words as you can tell, but I want you to know how amazing you really are. I am proud of you in your knowledge of the medical field and how you are so caring of people you wait on at work who you hardly know. I think it's amazing that 4-5 months after open heart surgery, you are running 4 miles(WOW!!!). I am so proud of who you are and how I have watched you grow since we met. You are a wonderful person and I love you with all my heart(no pun intended).

Thank you for giving us 2 wonderful kids who make life worth living for. You are a great person, a great mother, and an awesome wife. I love you

Love from your husband,

Jamie

P.S. Thanks for doing the clothes today also.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Four Months Post-Op-plus a thank you!

Wow, four months has gone bye and life is so very normal! Never thought that a normal boring life would be such a blessing! I am now running 3.2 miles daily and am debating about being in a 5K this Saturday to celebrate. I have always loved to run and boy is it much easier without a hole in the heart and a normal oxygen level. I feel so empowered when I run and always have. I'm actually debating on being in a triatholon next September. Well, it sounds like a good idea in my head. I'll let you know next year!
Well, in the two months since my last post of course my life perspective has changed yet again. I guess that's why I call this a journey. I no longer have any feeling of guilt. I discovered that, "yes" we all have a purpose big or small. I guess I assummed that I had to do something miraclous because of the gift of life I've been given back. But, I've realized that SMALL encounters can contribute to a BIG purpose. What do I mean? Well, if Dr. Yuh saves another life and learns from my case he's just saved not only that person, but by saving that life he has effected everyone that surrounds them. I had three out of my four main doctor's state they have either learned something from my case or stated,"their eyes are now much more open." I had one doctor actually say, I'm sorry, I should have listened." Was I mad? No, I was actually shocked he said that. All I said was, "Thank you, now learn from me." Or my story might just cause someone to finally go to the Doctor(just like another caused me to finally pick up the phone).
I've learned that we can empower each other. Words and comfort go a very long way. I always was worried that I wouldn't say the right words to someone that was hurting or in pain. But, I know 100% something is better than nothing. I actually had a couple of friends disappear during my illness. At first I though, "wow, they must have not been a really good friend, What did I do?". Later, I had a friend call and say,"I'm sorry, I was scared! I couldn't relate to what you were going through and I thought you might want to be left alone." Never, does anyone want to be left alone. Not only did God help me through this ordeal, but you my friends were my empowerment! It never failed that when I was starting to feel a little down the phone would ring or I would get a simple text. Most of the time it was simple words like, "I'm thinking of you or I'm here if you need me." Those are some of the best words to hear when you are down! If anything I have learned to lean and cherish my friends much more. I love you all so very much!Still, even today I receive phone calls or texts on how am I feeling. I love the encouragement you all give for me to achieve all of my goals and dreams. You all are one of the reasons I am here today. I owe you the biggest thank you for helping me make it through! My friends and family are my inspiration and will continue to be!!!!