Life choice's......what to do?

During the process of being ill a series of self/life evaluations normally occurs. You ask yourself the follow questions.....am I a good person, mother, friend? What will I leave behind if I pass? Was I good enough and true enough for God to accept me? Lastly, did I achieve all of my hopes and dreams that I had for myself? Not only are you dealing with a stress of an illness of the unknown...your dealing with the stress of that major self evaluation. After my initial diagnosis I was determine to make an all around difference. I was a good mother but I was going to better. Never pushing my children to the side or telling them I was to busy. I wanted to show them that no matter what happened I was a fighter. When the world handed me a lemon I was going to make the best lemonade possible. I was no longer going to say maybe in a few years I'll get to my dreams in life. I was going to truly show God how thankful I was to be alive even if that was possibly just a day longer. He in fact had already given me so much. I was going to be the best wife I could and make sure I was the wife that Jamie had always dreamed of. Although, if you ask him he says I always was. Boy, do I love that guy! I was going to make sure my friends knew how important they were to me and not let us grow apart. I would make every life experience a good one.

When I realize I was blessed with such a miracle I have to admit I felt a heavy undeserving feeling. Why am I the lucky one? Now what? I tell you dealing with that was almost as hard as dealing with my illness. Finally after talking with friends, family, co-workers, church members, and my patients my path was clear. I realized that just by telling my story and being an example of faith was enough. I have actually been told that I was someone's angel and that I made a difference in several people's lives. There is no greater gift in life than that! I have made a difference just by living!

As I finished writing my blog yesterday I received a phone call from the American Heart Association of Delaware asking if I would consider becoming a member of the Board of Directors!
They must have been mistaken what do I know about being a chair person for events, or raising money, or making decisions that would possibly effect many! That's right...nothing! All I know is that I have a passion for the medical field; I've had it since a child. I know every aspect of the human heart my favorite medical discussion. I love to research and read studies...but lastly I have a passion to help others. Initial I was so excited! Do you know what this meant? I would be somebody! A person of prestige and honor! I would make a tremendous difference in people's lives! I couldn't wait to share it with the world! God had sent to me my purpose, my plan! But...had he?

I was up most of the night trying to figure out what to do. Jamie had told me he would support any decision but as always knows me better than myself sometimes and kindly reminded me of my dreams, goals, and stated vows to myself. Could I do it all? Yes, I do believe you can have it all, but with what sacrifices? I firmly believe that when you take on a responsibility you should take it on 100%. Otherwise, it's not fair to others involved! We have just entered a life of normalcy and it was amazing. What a gift I tell you! No more life on the edge! No more struggling to get through each day! I realized that I barely had time now to do the things that I enjoyed and fulfill a few dreams along the way. Raising my children and giving them what they needed in life meant making a difference in two people's lives already! Like many of us I have put God on the back burner at times. How could I do that after all this? If any time was to be devoted it had to be to him. So, I think he would be proud! I have a few dreams I'm working on right now! So, until I can give 100% to such an honor I will continue to follow a different path. Hopefully, as one door closes another will open. I still am determined to work with the Heart Association but in a much smaller scale. Hopefully, they will still see my passion and find a better suited role for me! I have to admit though I really wanted to say "Yes". It was a dream that I have actually had, but I pray that the opportunity will come again!