"Back to Basics"

A couple of years ago when I started my blog it initially was to help my family and friends keep up with all that was occurring in my life. Then, it took a few twists and turns. It became a place to vent, cope, inform and encourage. I figured after I told my story I would be done.......well....almost 3 years later....that's obviously not the case. I never realized how much people care and honestly get hurt if I remain silent. I figured those around me would get sick and tired of hearing my never ending medical drama. Maybe that's the case for some. But, I found those who truly cared need me to be open as much I need to. So, today I'm going back to basics, informing you:)

Since my stroke in February, there have been many ups and downs. The second I get ready to inform you I get a curve ball or I am not fully aware myself of what's going on. It was explained by my new neurologist at NRH(in D.C.) that a person can go to many different doctors and get so many different perspectives. You have to go with who you feel fits. At this time "he" fits. He's right!! I have been diagnosed with several different strokes and even the number of them has been confusing?? How could this be? The culprit has been everything from atrial fibrillation, to a specific vessel in my head. Treatment has also ranged from medication to neuro surgery being considered. Thing is, they are all right in many ways. Some of the confusion in that I never realized how complex the head is and depending on the CT/MRI/MRA, technologist, radiologist and physician different varieties of information can occur.

Scary I know....you would think that possibly a distrust in a physician can develop. No way, don't get me wrong they can make a mistake. The thing is a physician has been given this amazing gift of knowledge and education. But, they can only do so much. They also have to trust in others around them. The radiologist, the nurse gathering information, the technician performing the test and lastly they depend on you the patient. Am I a good patient....if you ask them probably not. They aren't in my body and they can't read my mind. They are human just as you or I. Their job is to gather the information and paint the best related picture of what's occurring inside your body. If they have bits and piece and others fail (such as me the patient) it makes their job harder. I tend to want to get the appointment over and if they had asked the question I would give them the answer. It's not their job to do that. But, in my mind I hate to be a bother or it's the plain fact that I have somewhere to be and I just am growing weary of the never ending appointments. I am working on a being a better patient. I found that mostly, my confusing path is due to my complex case. My heart throws a massive curve ball and leads the physician down the path that it can only be heart related. Then, when they don't catch my heart doing what they thought was the culprit we have to hesitate and either wait (just in case it was missed) or rule it out. The best gift God gave us was our "gut instinct" trust it, believe what it says and you will always be right!

So, here is what I DO know. I have had two hemorrhagic strokes and another area of interest. My heart condition is very stable. I was suffering from some small seizures that were very concerning but now are gone. The cause was believed to be the trauma to my head. That was the biggest relief to date :) I have constant changes in blood pressure that can be a factor at times but if I take care of myself it is very well managed. My arrhythmias are just like 25% of the population and are easily managed. My heart pressures rise at times and cause a little build up of fluid but is also easily managed. Diet, exercise, rest and prayers are the key to feeling perfectly normal. Keeping me stress free is vital and hence the constant positivity. Hey, it works more than you could ever imagined. I honestly rarely feel stressed and that's because of an amazing group of people that surround me. I recently had a physician say, "You should be feel so fortunate for each day you wake." I nodded, said they were right, "I am blessed" and then never thought about it again. You can't focus on a perspective. Every day each of us wakes up is a blessing no matter what you are facing. When dealing with something you can't focus on the unknown and let it haunt you. Everyday, I wake up I make it the best it can be. Everyday I try a new coffee flavor, get to know someone who I have never spoken too, ect. Everyday, I thank God for this amazing perspective in life.

As far as my strokes are concern each week it gets better!! Biggest issue when dealing with a stroke as I stated before is not the physical, it's the emotional. You can read more about it in my previous blog if you haven't. I'm getting through with a hiccup here and there. But, it's always just a day here and there when everything seems to pile on top of me. It's only happens when I stretch myself too thin, push myself too hard and allow some of those feelings of "no one understands" slips in. Then I realize I have to put myself first here and there. Hey, we all should do that from time to time. When I'm feeling good it's time to push others around me to take that same time to themselves. It all balances out! As far as no one understanding. No, you don't, but how could you? Just like if someone is going through there personal issues that I have never experienced before. I'm not in their shoes and I don't live their life. But, I do know this that if you take the time to explain to someone how you're feeling, it not only helps them understand, they feel that they helped you in some way. Trust me so many have helped by just listening and even when my stroke signs peak through a friendly joke occurs. I don't mind being corrected when I get confused, being reminded 100 times to do something, being caught as I stumble from time to time, helped down a step, help me open something, asked if I hurt myself when my foot gets lazy, or even filling in the blanks for me when I can't finish a sentence. I don't mind those things because it's a sign that you care! So thank you for caring so much!

One of my major emotional issues I'm dealing with, is that I have this great new gift of life perspective. I want to do so much. I have these amazing dreams that my chronic conditions have made me want to pursue even faster. I hate being told to wait or maybe in the future. My patience isn't what it use to be. I don't wanna wait because I know how each day is a gift and that it can be taken at any time. I sometimes feel a clock is ticking, So, I've had to be happy with "baby steps". What I'm coming to realize is that those baby steps help me dabble in EVERYTHING I want to do. They force me to slow down and not only experience the moment but enjoy it more fully too. Those babies steps that I've been taking have proven to be these amazing "seeds" of so much fulfillment. The "seeds" have put me in a place in life that I could only dream of!

So friends, I hope this blog brings you comfort that I am in an amazing place in life. A place in life that sometimes pushes me down but it makes standing up so much more of an accomplishment.

I hope you all realize that just being there has meant more to me than you could ever imagine. My wish is that you always trust your "inner voice" in life and that it doesn't take a life changing experience for you to start taking those baby steps and planting your own "seeds" in life. Lastly, it doesn't matter what we are going through in life, how hard it is or even when you're told it's unachievable.....anything can be accomplished as long as we believe in ourselves and make that effort. Sometime, it just takes longer to get there.....be sure to enjoy the ride as you go :)