Delaware Mud Run

How can I explain the last few weeks?? I feel as if I am walking on clouds! This month has been extra special because of where/how I was this time last year. I was living a life of uncertainty, fear, pain, and mental/physical exhaustion. To be honest...in my head I was overwhelmed with thoughts of death, and fear of the unknown. Who would take care of my children, where will my path lead me and how much pain would I endure getting there? I was in the hospital being tested(painful tests) for everything under the moon....I was getting ready for my first surgery...and shortly there after having my first TIA. Crazy month right?

Well, every month made a big difference in my life; especially a whole year! For the past three weekends I have involved myself in 5Ks. Something even as a child I wanted to accomplish but never had. Last week I was asked to participate in another 5K! But, this was different...much different! It was a 5K which involved mud(a whole lot of it) and a military type course. I looked at it online and thought what the heck...it didn't look too bad. But, when I got there it was a whole different ballgame! Not only was there mud, there was tunnel crawls, large hills, low jumps, mud pits, mud pools and 12 foot walls to climb. All doing this sopping in cold mud! Funny part...as much pain as I was in, it was a blast! A memory I didn't think I would ever have! Guess what..I can't wait until next year!

*For more picture/video visit www.delawaremudrun.com*

Heart Walk

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to participate in another 5K. This time walking for the American Heart Association. I along with 11 of my friends and family walked and enjoyed each others company for a cause near and dear to my heart! We raised a little cash and I did an interview which made my children think I was a movie star! The most amazing part was that a year earlier(one day shy) my world was turned upside down as I had known it. For the next year my faith, strength and mental health would be tested like never before. I like to think I turned out o.k. I'm proud of myself for making it through the daily stress, living and pain of all the surgeries and obstacles. But, my greatest achievement is that my faith never faltered. In fact it grew and gave me the ability to not only get through, but with grace. I think more of my friends and family were taking it harder than myself. I actually cherish what I have learned from my journey. This month has been one filled with more accomplishments and fulfillment than I've ever had in my life. I can't wait to see what the rest of my journey holds!

*Click on news article to read in detail*

What a difference a year can make!

A year ago around this time I was struggling to breath, walk without falling, and scared to death to drive in fear I would pass out with my children in the car! I carried around the nickname "smurf"! Today, (I write this with tears of joy) I ran my first ever 5K! Can you believe it??? I can't that's for sure! I spoke with my cardiologist yesterday and he really pumped me up for today's run. He said,"Anne, I'm begining to think there is nothing in this world you can't do!" The run was so surreal. Of coarse I've been running to train and have been doing about 4 miles every other day. But, to run with normal people and be treated as a equal was such an overwhelming feeling. I am in fact now no longer the girl who was given several poor prognosis, the one who had 3 TIA's and was in the testing process to be considered for a heart lung transplant or who had just had open heart ....I was a RUNNER! My old life will be left behind but not forgotten. Like I've stated before in every life experience there is a lesson. Through it all I've learned so much about who I am and who I want to be. I value every moment big or small, I make it a point to tell my friends and family how much they mean to me. God decided it wasn't my time and has more for me to do in this world and I won't let him down! If you would excuse me I have some celebrating to do.............!

Last but not least.....

Jamie,
You are so sweet! Am I that predictable that you can hack into my blog? Well, I am so thankful you did! What a wonderful note! I don't have to tell you that you have been my rock since I met you! In the almost 15 years that we have been together you have never let me down nor failed me in any way! Throughout our journey you constantly kept me on my toes always breaking the tough moments with laughter and a joke. My physicians didn't always get the humor, but I did! I will never forget how in moments that I couldn't get to the phone you would rush home from work just to see if I was o.k. Or when you would get my medications all lined up and set the alarm to make sure I received them around the clock. How about our slow dances in the hospital or the doctor impersonations? You have and always will be my heart and soul! All I can say is what a ride we had....but WE MADE IT.....! Love you baby!

My wonderful wife

Anne,
It's been nearly 5 months since your heart surgery and I want to say how proud I am of you in how far you have come in a short time. (don't be mad, I hacked into your blog!). It seems so long ago that the one doctor scared the both of us with the thought of an aneurysm and that it could be any day you might pass. That night was a shock and I didn't show much emotion other than silence. I held back tears on a lot of occasions. I was trying to show strength and that everything would be fine. When you were struggling walking around and getting tired, I just thought "shes getting older, wait tell you hits my age" I knew something was wrong, when you woke me up that night you passed out in our bathroom and had a bruised forehead. I felt helpless that night as you came in the door and fell in my arms after the mis-diagnosis. My thoughts were" I could help provide for my family and protect them in our household, but fixing a medical issue is something I could not do". I remember becoming frustrated when we were at PRMC and all the test they ran and still couldn't find out why you were desaturating. I did feel hope when they said they were sending you to John's Hopkin's to do more tests because they are the best.

I struggled with emotions of being sad and mad. There wasn't a day that went by thinking about our kids and myself if you were not around. I hated every thought I had about that because you were to always be here. I was supposed to go first, not you. Even though we were coming to know God, I was mad at God for putting my wife thru this. Now that I look back, what an amazing thing God did. The church surrounded us with open arms, meals, and brought us closer to people we never really knew who care about us. Anne, it is amazing the courage you had when going thru 3 surgeries. You know me, a cold puts me on a death bed.

I'm not the greatest with words as you can tell, but I want you to know how amazing you really are. I am proud of you in your knowledge of the medical field and how you are so caring of people you wait on at work who you hardly know. I think it's amazing that 4-5 months after open heart surgery, you are running 4 miles(WOW!!!). I am so proud of who you are and how I have watched you grow since we met. You are a wonderful person and I love you with all my heart(no pun intended).

Thank you for giving us 2 wonderful kids who make life worth living for. You are a great person, a great mother, and an awesome wife. I love you

Love from your husband,

Jamie

P.S. Thanks for doing the clothes today also.

Four Months Post-Op-plus a thank you!

Wow, four months has gone bye and life is so very normal! Never thought that a normal boring life would be such a blessing! I am now running 3.2 miles daily and am debating about being in a 5K this Saturday to celebrate. I have always loved to run and boy is it much easier without a hole in the heart and a normal oxygen level. I feel so empowered when I run and always have. I'm actually debating on being in a triatholon next September. Well, it sounds like a good idea in my head. I'll let you know next year!
Well, in the two months since my last post of course my life perspective has changed yet again. I guess that's why I call this a journey. I no longer have any feeling of guilt. I discovered that, "yes" we all have a purpose big or small. I guess I assummed that I had to do something miraclous because of the gift of life I've been given back. But, I've realized that SMALL encounters can contribute to a BIG purpose. What do I mean? Well, if Dr. Yuh saves another life and learns from my case he's just saved not only that person, but by saving that life he has effected everyone that surrounds them. I had three out of my four main doctor's state they have either learned something from my case or stated,"their eyes are now much more open." I had one doctor actually say, I'm sorry, I should have listened." Was I mad? No, I was actually shocked he said that. All I said was, "Thank you, now learn from me." Or my story might just cause someone to finally go to the Doctor(just like another caused me to finally pick up the phone).
I've learned that we can empower each other. Words and comfort go a very long way. I always was worried that I wouldn't say the right words to someone that was hurting or in pain. But, I know 100% something is better than nothing. I actually had a couple of friends disappear during my illness. At first I though, "wow, they must have not been a really good friend, What did I do?". Later, I had a friend call and say,"I'm sorry, I was scared! I couldn't relate to what you were going through and I thought you might want to be left alone." Never, does anyone want to be left alone. Not only did God help me through this ordeal, but you my friends were my empowerment! It never failed that when I was starting to feel a little down the phone would ring or I would get a simple text. Most of the time it was simple words like, "I'm thinking of you or I'm here if you need me." Those are some of the best words to hear when you are down! If anything I have learned to lean and cherish my friends much more. I love you all so very much!Still, even today I receive phone calls or texts on how am I feeling. I love the encouragement you all give for me to achieve all of my goals and dreams. You all are one of the reasons I am here today. I owe you the biggest thank you for helping me make it through! My friends and family are my inspiration and will continue to be!!!!

Two Months Post Op

Well, it has been two months since surgery. It really feels as if it was a year or more ago. I no longer have any pain or matter of fact ANY residual symptoms. I am now running a mile and half without complication except that of being out of shape. When people ask,"how do you feel?", I honestly forget I just had open heart. I feel so alive and vibrant again! I didn't realize how bad I was because I had become acustom to it. I have an absurd amount of energy and now need to learn that sleep is a neccessity.
The one issue I'm having is a little residual guilt or almost a feeling of undeserving. I guess you could say a form of survivors guilt. I was told in three different ways besides the risks of surgery that I probably wouldn't be here on this earth very long. I survived many obstacles put in front of me and fought to stay strong. I was told two days ago from one of the Doctors on my case that I was less than a year requiring a total heart and lung transplant. Now what? Why was I the one to get the second chance? How can I show that I am worthy of such a gift? Is my purpose Big or small? Until, I discover my purpose all I can do is put what I learned along my journey to good use. It's funny I thought I already cherished every aspect of life. But, I learned much more than I every thought I could. Not just about life, but how one person can effect many. I pray that one day my purpose will be clear!